Fearing and Planning

Allan and I went to the O.B. on Monday. She checked the heartbeats...they're still kickin! It was so relieving to hear them again. Some of you may know that I have been fearful lately about one or both babies dying before birth or shortly after. I was fine before people started telling me frightening stories. Reading about why multiple pregnancies are high-risk scares me a little too, but at the same time it makes me more cautious about what I do to my body.

On the much brighter side...

the good news is that my job at the daycare has officially ended. Taking care of twenty 3-year-old children for eight hours, five days a week was too much for me to handle. I think we made the right decision, although I am sad to leave and our income will decrease. I am still working part time as the children's director at my church, and I will hopefully pick up as many substitute teaching jobs as I can before I am immobile this summer :)

Speaking of this summer, the deadline to make our house habitable is the end of May, which would be a full year since we started on it. We've been at a stand-still for a while, mainly due to lack of money and motivation. Luckily, as the size of my belly increases so does Allan's driving force. We have also had support from friends and family willing to roll up their sleeves again so we can move our family into a normal living space. A one-bedroom apartment won't cut it for Allan, Emma, the dogs, twins, and myself.

February 10th is the extensive ultrasound with the maternal-fetal specialist in Indy. I have no clue what to expect, but I'm guessing it will be a 3-D ultrasound. I think they'll be able to tell if they are identical or fraternal. I will be 13 weeks by then.

Please keep us in your prayers!

Food, Food, FOOD!!

I know I said in an earlier entry that I love food, but I have most definitely changed my mind. My whole life is consumed by food, in a negative way. I can't seem to keep a balance at all! They say "eat whatever your body craves." It doesn't always work.

I had a dream one night about fettucini alfredo. The next day I ate some, and well...you know what happened next. One day I begged Allan to get me Taco Bell. I kept it down for lunch, but not the soft taco later that day. They say to eat simple foods, so I try to eat granola bars, bananas, carrots, and Jell-O, but nothing goes down quite like a plain cheesburger from McDonald's. I love them!! So far, that's the only thing I've been able to eat repeatedly without getting sick.

I told my doctor that my medicines (Phenergan and Zofran) would wear out within a few hours after taking them. They also made me really drowsy. She gave me something stronger, Reglan, but it turns out that the side effects made me feel worse than I was before! Ironically, a person who takes Reglan regularly must be weened off of it to prevent withdrawal symptoms.

So back to the food thing...I don't like to eat anymore because I don't want to vomit anymore. On the flip side, I will get sick if I don't eat. It's a lose-lose situation. Sigh....

Melody

What We Don't Know

Until now I was never able to understand sonograms...like those silly magic eye posters. Never got anything from them but a headache. Look at them, though! There is no doubt that there are two of them. Two heartbeats, two heads. They have four arms and four legs (they are not conjoined, I checked). By the way it looked, they are in two seperate amniotic sacs, which I assume means they are fraternal. I'm not sure yet.

I am being referred to a maternal-fetal specialist since having multiples is a high-risk pregnancy. I haven't met with an actual doctor yet. All I know so far is that I will have more detailed ultrasounds, and I'll probably be poked and prodded and tested a little more than usual. It will all be worth it in the end!

I've been carrying these sonograms around with me everywhere. Sometimes on my lunch break, I will get them out and stare at them, as if there aren't a million more ultrasounds to come! Yet these will always be the most special, because they capture the first moments I ever laid eyes on them, acknowledged their existence as twins, and watched them move. I daydream about what they will look like and be like as they grow up. Sometimes I get a little afraid that one or both of them won't survive in my belly, which I think is a normal fear. I can't feel them or hear them or see them. I know nothing about them at this point. Boys, girls, one of each? Fraternal? Identical? I don't even know that much. To comfort me, I think about these verses:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb...
your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13 & 16)

There is nothing more comforting to me right now than to know that God has already decided His plans for their lives, and now He is carefully forming their little bodies. All I can do is try to stay healthy and prayerful (which is much easier said than done) and God will take care of the rest. I know this all sounds cheesy, but I think it's pretty good for being on nausea meds that make me drowsy and all out of sorts.

Stay Tuned...

Wait...I See Two Heads!

That's right! I said two. Allan and I had the first ultrasound at 9.5 weeks. The ultrasound tech found a little grape-sized baby, measured it, and checked its heartbeat. We listened to it and watched it move around a little. The tech moved the device to get a better shot. Then I saw it. The other one. Two at the same time. I thought "wait...I see two heads!" Not a split second went by before the tech said calmly with a hint of surprise, "Aaaaaand it looks like you're having twins."

Huh?

Allan had been telling everyone, "Wouldn't it be so cool if we had twins? I want twin boys." Of course, I laughed at him and told him he would have to get up with me in the middle of the night. Ha...ha...ha.

I immediately looked at Allan, and he had the same face as the first time I told him we were pregnant...wide eyed, eyebrows raised, and a slight grin. As if the pregnancy in the first place wasn't shocking enough! We watched the two babies interact, each with a flickering little heartbeat. They were swimming around with their spastic legs and arms, then they would reach out to each other. What a precious sight. I could have watched it all day. I still look at the sonograms in awe of God's handiwork.

To tell you the truth, Allan and I were not ready for this pregnancy. But when God has a plan, He gets his way. The fact that we have twins is reassuring that God really wants us to have children right now. Now we are absolutely thrilled!! We are so ready for this new adventure. We have no idea what our lives will be like from now on, but that's exactly why it is an adventure.

Sick of Being Sick

I started becoming suspicious of being pregnant when, at the daycare, a group of elementary girls ran up to me, patted my belly, and said, "Miss Melody has a baby in her belly!" As you can imagine, I laughed it off...but inside I was frozen with fear. I know how kids have a weird sixth sense about those things. A couple weeks passed. I knew before I even took the test that something was different. I knew for sure when Allan and I went to visit our friend, Dottie, at the hospital who just had her baby that day. As Allan was holding the little bundle, he looked up at me and winked. I immediately went to Walmart to buy a pregnancy test. I took it the next day, and sure enough! The infamous plus sign appeared.

I tried to figure out how to tell Allan. I paced around the room, half panicked and half way in denial. Allan told me he would be right back, so I quickly placed the positive test in our little four-foot Christmas tree. When he came back I told him I had an early Christmas present. When he finally found it, he stared at it and asked, "what's it mean?" When I told him it was positive, he raised his eyebrows...I broke down into tears.

The next morning the sickness began. I was nauseated the first week, then woke up a few days later with the stomach flu that I brought home from school. Afterwards, my morning sickness became much worse. I couldn't even sip water without losing it. Going to work took a toll on me. Everything I smelled triggered that lovely sensation in the pit of my stomach. At home all I could do was lie in the recliner with a puke bucket, Gatorade and saltines. It was a challenge just to walk to the bathroom.

Finally, I convinced Allan that it wasn't psychological (I don't understand men sometimes). We went to the ER where they hydrated me through an IV and gave me some medicine to help me keep down food and fluids. The medicine didn't really work that well for a while. It only decreased the amount of times I was in the bathroom hugging the toilet.

I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden in the past few days, I've been feeling much better! I still have to take medicine, but I can eat now. AND I LOVE TO EAT! So far my cravings have been broccoli and cheese soup and hot fudge sundaes. mmmmm...I could use one right about now. Thanks to everyone who has been taking care of me and understanding my crippling sickness. Allan has been such a wonderful husband. He's been making special trips to get me things I think I can eat, only to flush it all down the toilet. Hopefully, I am reaching the end of my nausea.

I did a lot of research about morning sickness. They aren't sure what causes it exactly, but they know it can be much worse with twins :)