Prayer for Denniston twins

Here is a quick update on the Denniston twins:

Well, not great news to report. We got a call at 6:30am that Natalie needed emergency surgery. They found out that she had a perforation in her intestines. The surgeons just took her back for her operation. It’s just a really scary time right now. If she doesn't have the operation, they don't expect her to make it. With the surgery, she has a 50-50 chance of survival. It’s been very difficult today to watch her struggle and in pain. We are really praying that God will guide the surgeon's hands and that she will be back with us in a couple hrs. The healing process will be long for her, but she is a definite fighter. Danny and I would really appreciate your prayers this morning. She is in God's hands now. All we can do is wait and hope for the best!

 

Please continue to pray for these little girls.

Allan

6 Days Old!!

So here we are, day 6. The girls are almost a week old now and it seems like all of the days since their birth have merged into one. Since our last post we have moved into the Ronald McDonald house, which is just down the street from the hospital. This is a huge blessing and relief for us! The room is similar to hotel room only there is no bathroom, just a sink. We have a bathroom just outside our room that we share with the room next to us. There is also no TV in any of the rooms, just in the community area in the lobby. This is to encourage families and parents to visit their children and not watch TV all day. Melody and I think this is a great idea and really have enjoyed not having a TV. We have been able to talk with a few people that are also staying here and everyone is very appreciative for everything the Ronald McDonald house provides. They have washers and dryers with laundry detergent, a kitchen with some of the basic foods and snacks. All that are free of charge to the guests. All of these things have been provided through donations from businesses in the area, churches and organizations, and previous families that have stayed here. After being in this situation and fortunate enough to have the house available for us, Melody and I will be giving back for years to come.

And now what everyone wants to know....."How are the girls doing?"  

They are doing great! It seems like every time we go back to the nursery there is one less piece of equipment strapped to their little bodies. So far we have experienced and waved goodbye to a "C-pap", 2 nasal canulas, 2 IVs, 1 bililight (for jaundice) and 1 isolette! Sayla is out of her isolette and is in an open crib, she still has a feeding tube but we (really Melody, I'm not so good at it) is working on breastfeeding. Brynna is still in her isolette because she is so small it is easier to regulate her temperature in an enclosed environment. She also has a feeding tube. Brynna was off her bililight yesterday but she was put back on it today. The doctors wanted to see how she would do without it, but her numbers climbed a little higher. It seems like a step backwards but the doctors and nurses know what's best. We just spoke with a pediatrician about the progress of our girls. She says that they are right where they need to be, if not a step ahead. They have been increasing the "feeds" gradually and have reached the ideal amount. Now they are now wanting to see a gain of 0.5-1 ounce per day. 

Some of you may know this already but for those that may not, a friend of mine from high school and his wife gave birth to twins girls, Noel and Natalie, the same day Melody and I had ours. Only they were due in November. She was only 24 weeks along and the girls weighed 1.5 lbs each. The girls are at Riley Hospital right now and really need everyones prayers. This is very hard on them, this was an emergency delivery and they weren't prepared for something like this. Dan and his wife staying at the Ronald McDonald house just a few rooms down from us. I have told him we would pass along their information to everyone that has prayed for our girls so we could pray for them. Feel free to pass this along to fellow believers and lift them up in their prayers. I will try to keep updates on them as I get them.

Allan

The Grande Finale!

We apologize for the delay. We've been very busy and tired. Here are your long-awaited updates.

****

Baby A- Sayla Joy Carr- Hebrew meaning "Pause and Reflect"

born July 14 at 8:48 am, 5 lbs 3 ozs, 17.5 inches long.

Baby B- Brynna Lu Carr- Irish meaning "Strong One" 

born July 14 at 8:49 am, 3 lbs 1.7 ozs, 15.25 inches long.

*****

They're here! Two beautiful baby girls! Everyone is healthy and doing great. Melody is recovering very well from her C-section. They have her drugged up pretty well, but it's nice for me to know she doesn't feel any pain. It also adds some entertainment too. Both babies are in the special care nursery, which has been tough on Melody not being able to see them as much as she wants. It was tough for me to decide who to visit yesterday, go see our new girls or tend to my wife who just gave us these beautiful babies. So I did both, going back and forth to each one, giving Melody updates on how they were doing. Last night Melody and I were able to hold the babies for the first time! It was an amazing experience and we feel so blessed to finally have our "miracle babies" with us! It was, however, right in the middle of the All-Star game. For those of you that know how much I love baseball, I would choose holding my little girls any day over watching baseball. Maybe when they come home we can combine the two  :)  The nurses and staff here have been great. They have taken care of our babies like they were their own. I can't express how thankful we are for the people who have helped care for our girls and my wife. 

Today has been an exciting day for us all. Melody is a little more active and the twins have made huge strides. Sayla has been taken off the glucose-water solution and is on a feeding tube, Brynna will be following in her "older" sister's footsteps shortly we are told. Brynna has been taken off her "C-pap", which helps keep her lungs expanded and full. They are both doing extremely well and have each made names for themselves in the special care nursery. Brynna is known for being a little fighter and Sayla is pretty laid back until you do something she doesn't like. Then she really lets you know about it. She has a pretty good set of lungs. I went to visit them this morning and Sayla was on her back sprawled out in her crib sideways. The nurse said she tries to keep her bundled up, but she always ends up in that position. I think it's from being cramped inside Melody for so long and she is finally enjoying some freedom. :)  After I finished laughing at Sayla I noticed Brynna was tucked in nicely in her blanket except for her leg sticking out the side. They like to show off their big feet and long toes that were unfortunately passed down from their daddy. These moments are the funny snapshots of their first days of life that we will always remember.

The twins will probably be in the special care nursery for about 1 month. This is not an exact timeframe, but a general rule of thumb that the nurses go by. They base this on when the due date was. Ours was Aug. 15. It could be more or less depending on how the babies are doing. This might give us enough time to finish the nursery before they get home. Melody will most likely be discharged this Friday. We don't know if we will be going home or somewhere else. We would like to stay somewhere close to our babies and Anderson is an hour away. We have put our application in to the Ronald McDonald house and are waiting for a response. That would be great for us to stay close to our girls for so many reasons. Until then we will just wait and see. We want to say thank you for everyone's prayers during our pregnancy, God has answered our prayers and blessed us with two healthy, beautiful "miracle babies".

Pictures soon to come!!!!! Stay Tuned...

-Allan

Baby Birthday Eve

It's the night before the big arrival. I have heard people say with a sigh "All good things must come to an end." Well, thankfully so do the bad things, and this pregnancy is one bad thing I won't miss. In less than 24 hours, I will say goodbye to pregnancy and hello to our brand spankin' new baby girls! The risks of a c-section don't scare me anymore. I could bleed enough for a transfusion, they could slice an organ, they could cut one of the babies...and what else did she say? Oh yeah, they might have to take out my uterus if something goes wrong. It sounds like enough to make a person terrified. Deep down I am, but it's amazing how good God's peace makes a person feel (like those narcotics they gave me today). It's like a super power. Part of it is excitement that we are going to meet our babies and that I can recover in my own home. 

I told Allan a few weeks ago that I had a feeling I would deliver on the 14th. No one will believe me now. I should have written it down. Darn. So this is how it happened. I met yet another doctor today, a new high risk OB. He basically said "you've been pregnant long enough," then proceeded to tell me that although it is risky to deliver prematurely, it's just as risky to keep them in because Baby B's dopplers were abnormal again. This time they were reverse flow. He told me I have the option of trying to deliver as nature intended or do a c-section. Do you recall my last blog where I said "knock me out and cut me open"? That was the gist of the conversation. I didn't want to put Baby B through a lot of stress by trying to deliver under so much pressure...literally. I figure that even though there are a lot of risks involved for me during a c-section, there are more risks involved for both of us the other way. So when I gave him my choice, he said they would check the schedule for the next morning.  

So here I am in labor and delivery. I'm being monitored all night until morning to make sure Baby B is doing okay. In case things took a turn for the worse, they could do an emergency c-section. My pain meds wore off earlier and I thought that was it for sure. I think Baby A knew it was time and dug her fingernails into my uterus so she didn't have to go. That's all I can think of because the pain disappeared. haha. 

Tomorrow is the big day! We will keep this thing updated tomorrow. If not me, someone will. I will continue to write on the blog at least until the babies come home. 

I'm Over This

So the previous blog wasn't my last blog of my pregnancy afterall. I haven't had the babies yet, but I'm so ready! I'm tired all the time because I can't go to sleep. I can't go to sleep because I'm sore. I'm sore because I have been contracting so much. I'm contracting so much because I'm off my Terbutaline. I'm off my Terbutaline because they figured I would go into labor soon. Only...I'm not. I'm so miserable, and I just want to go home to my own house with my own husband in my own bed and eat from my own dishes and use my own bathroom. I've had a few emotional meltdowns, but today was the worst. Allan and I have reached our breaking point in this awful pregnancy. Until now I have tried so hard to stay positive and think "Whatever is best for the babies!" Now I feel like a horrible mother because I want them to get out right now! Allan is breaking down because he feels stretched so thin. He has so much to do, and he can't do it all by himself. All he wants to do is be with me every day, but he is restrained by his responsibilities of fixing the house and going to work. I feel so helpless and terrible that I can't be there to help. 

To add to this misery, I've developed this lovely rash called PUPP (Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy). I have no idea what that means other than it's a rare, extremely itchy rash that raises from within stretch marks. It happens to "1 out of 164-240 initial pregnancies," and can only be soothed with hydrocortisone cream. It eventually goes away after birth. My stretch marks look like they are going to bleed. I have to be strapped down to the monitors three times a day every day, irritating them--and my rash--even more. My belly is also so sore that I can barely shift in my bed, let alone get up to go to the bathroom. Even when I have strong contractions, I can't tell the difference because it just feels like one big humongous contraction all day. Tonight I'm supposed to get doped up on narcotics so that I can sleep for once. The nurse said it was safe and that they give them to pregnant patients all the time. We'll see how I react to strong medicine. From what I remember, we didn't get along very well. 

I used to be afraid of a c-section, but after all these contractions I'm ready to get it over with. I told Allan that now I'd rather them just "knock me out and cut me open." The pregnant moms on this floor keep having their babies. Every day I hear the lullaby the hospital plays after a baby is born, and I think, "Ok, my turn!" Seriously. I'm ready. Bring it on. 

Maybe when my girls enter their teens I can tell them the horrible stories of my pregnancy to encourage abstinence. But then I might never have grandchildren...

Running Out of Womb

Baby A 

5 lbs 8 ozs

Baby B

3 lbs 6 oz

   

The picture of baby B up there is from last week. She has gained half a pound since then. Baby A's pictures are from today. She gained a whole pound in a week! B is now 4 weeks behind instead of 3, but she is still growing.  The goal for her now is 4 pounds.

The goal for all of us is to make it to 37 weeks (two more), not tomorrow like I was told to prepare for.  Good news for everyone...especially Allan, who is sweating over preparing our house for us. Somehow in the middle of the night, little Houdini (Baby B) turned back around into her breech position. I knew she did last night because this morning I could feel her head pushing mightily at my belly button instead of her knees. That makes a c-section much more likely today than it was only yesterday. The doctors took me off of Terbutaline, the meds that "make my contractions better." So far today they haven't been any worse. I'm just twiddling my thumbs and waiting for the next thing to happen. Who knows? Maybe this will be my last blog entry of my pregnancy! But probably not...

Not Yet!

It's been a while. Some of you are probably wondering if I had the babies. The answer is no. I had a computer fatality, but a new hard drive and a loving brother solved my lack of communication problem.

I'm still at the hospital. This Two Carr Garage is getting crowded to the max. The babies are still fighting for space, and I'm still fighting for my sanity. I started my third thousand piece puzzle hoping it would keep me occupied for a week. It's coming along a lot more quickly than I anticipated. I'm just that good, I guess. haha. The doctors have more to say about the puzzles than anything else. They just come in and ask me questions I can't answer or even care to respond to anymore. They try to be cute ask me--quite often--if I'm behaving. I used to laugh, but now I just stare at them. One day they even asked me, "Babies still growing?" I said, "I don't know. You want me to ask them?" Needless to say, I'm a little cranky when I'm awakened abruptly for no good reason. Today two doctors came and yelled, "Wake up, sleepy head!" Again, I just stared at them. I get even crankier when they tell me to just hang in there and stay pregnant, then walk away. I want them to tell me that the babies will grow better outside than in and then take them.

I was supposed to have set a delivery date by now. They are saying we will tomorrow after I get an ultrasound on growth...possibly the last one until I deliver. My nurse today just said to be prepared to have the babies as early as Friday. I am 34.5 weeks now, which is good progress for a twin pregnancy. Even if Baby B is 3 pounds, she has a very good chance of survival. Our next big adventure between the babies coming into the world and coming home is their hospital stay. We'll have to make the trip to the hospital--or possibly two different hospitals--to feed and interact with them. We'll be talking to the pediatrician and the nurses about whatever complications they might have and how they are achieving their goals (breathing on their own, etc.). I'm trying to allow my mind to already transition into that phase. If I linger on the actual birth, I start to get really nervous and afraid. I just think about how quickly the delivery will pass, and I think about what it will be like to meet them and eventually hold them for the first time.

My sister just had her baby boy. It's a healthy 8 lb 3.5 oz baby. I saw a picture of the chubby little thing with his eyes wide open and my sister's hand touching him. I have to admit that I was slightly jealous, but my time will come! Seeing her baby just a few days after seeing her pregnant belly reminded me of how close I am to having my own.

Allan is both excited and frantic. He wants to make the house perfect (at least part of it) for when I come home, with or without the babies. There is still much to do. We still need a functional nursery, primary bathroom, living room, and dining room. The kitchen, master bedroom and bathroom are pretty much done. We have a roof leak above the living room that we can't find, and the nursery doesn't even have walls. The plan is to live in the part of the house that is complete while working on the other half, then renting out the apartment above the house where we currently live. We have to move out of it and store our things somehow. It is a very interesting situation for Allan and me. Normally we would heavily rely on each other to get things done. However, it is just as easy for me to help him on the house as it is for him to help me grow these babies. Impossible. If any of you are in the area and want to help, please do!

Ready or Not

33 weeks. I keep saying that I am ready to not be pregnant anymore. While that is still true, I am naturally terrified of childbirth, c-section or not. Right now, both babies are head down, and they are handling contractions well so far. So a natural childbirth could be more likely than a c-section. The more I think about that, the more nervous I become about giving birth to two babies. On the other hand, I have never had surgery, and I watch too many medical dramas on t.v. I'm afraid of getting my bladder sliced open or something. Haha.

I don't think I'm any more terrified than other high-risk, first-time mothers of multiples here. There are two very young (late teens) moms on this floor with twins in a high-risk situation. They have it worse off than I do. One mom also has identical twin girls. She has been in pre-term labor and on bed rest for almost her entire pregnancy. Another young mom (2 days ahead of me) has boy/girl fraternal twins. They also have intermittent absent flow and IUGR. She is also in here for pre-term labor. When I was coming back to my room a couple days ago, I saw a family gathered around a new patient's door. A woman and a girl had been crying. Again, they all are in an obviously more unfortunate situation than mine. I was talking with a food service lady today, and she said there is a woman in this hospital who has been here for 2 years under special care. And here I am complaining about being locked up in this place.

Well, here's a little update on the babies. The dopplers are still reading "intermittent absent flow" which basically means the blood flow fluctuates between absent and elevated. I don't know the proper medical terms. They are growing though! On Thursday, June 25, the babies weighed:

Baby A: 4 lbs 5 ozs
Baby B: 2 lbs 13 ozs

I assume they've gained 3 ounces by now, making A=4.5 lbs, and B=3 lbs. Keep growing babies! There is a chance that the babies will not end up in the same nursery, Baby B could go to Riley and the other could stay here...or Baby A would go home earlier than Baby B. It all depends on when they are born, how much weight they gain, or if there are any other complications that arise during or after birth. There is no straight answer about anything right now. They could come any day since I am now over the "average" time frame of when mothers of twins give birth. Ah! The suspense! I am so scared, but so excited to meet our babies!

The Outlook

out⋅look  [out-look]
–noun
1. the view or prospect from a particular place

Some of you who have come to visit have experienced the Great Wall that proudly blocks my view of any life outside of the hospital. Every now and then I see a bug. I can see the sunshine, but I can't see the sky unless I walk up to the window and crank my neck back to see a patch of blue. For those of you who know me well, you know that I enjoy the beauty of nature, especially in the summer months. The warmth of the sun and the colors of summer instantly lift my spirits; thus I find the lack of any of it dreadful. However, I am remembering--as I have plenty of time to think--that the "outlook on life" is much more than just the view outside my window.

Today I had a lengthy chat with my doctor after my ultrasound. She said that the dopplers are improving, which means the blood flow to Baby B is normal now. Even though she has "Severe IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restriction)" she has made some big steps since we've been here. Her growth, as I mentioned before, has jumped, and she's packing on the ounces. When she isn't compared to Baby A, we rejoice in her own accomplishments as she is making those improvements in growth and blood flow. Baby A is doing well, so we haven't had to worry about her during this pregnancy until the birth. Doc said if everything continues to look great, there might be a chance I could go home. During the next 3 seconds I thought to myself:

Wouldn't it be great to go home again? I could see the dogs, spend more time with Allan, sit in my front yard....prepare for the babies....get stuck in a house that I can't clean....be depressed because I can't do anything for myself and I have no one to help me....as much as I would love to get out of this place, maybe it's not the best solution

So I was honest with my doctor as the words escaped my mouth, "I'll be honest with you. I would love to leave, but I am much more rested here than I will ever be at home while I'm pregnant." I explained to her everything I would have to do myself and things I would be tempted to do that I shouldn't. She quickly changed her mind and said, "Well then, we'll take that out of our plan." She would rather me be waited on hand and foot at the hospital. I hated that I had to tell her that, but my conscience was stronger than my temptation. I remember being physically miserable at home. Although at the hospital I can't see the sky or feel the breeze, swim in a pool or sit by the river, cuddle with the dogs and soak in the bath, and say goodnight and good morning to my husband in person, I need to keep my babies and me healthy. I rambled on about sacrifice in my last post, but this is the kind of sacrifice that is absolutely necessary and unavoidable. I would give up all those things just for a little while so that we can spend the rest of our lives with our two healthy girls. Sometimes savoring life isn't just basking in the bright glow of the sun. It is seeing your baby in black and white on the monitor, kicking and sucking her thumb as her little heart beats fast and her chest rises and falls to breathe. It is the simple relieving thought that your child(ren)'s chance of survival is improving. Sometimes it is seeing their bright future and God's grace.

Sometimes life is about having a heart full of love and experiencing that of someone else. Through this whole process, Allan has been extremely supportive. I couldn't and wouldn't ask for a better husband. He has made the hour drive to the hospital every night after work just to spend a couple hours with me in my stark and boring room, just to drive an hour back home and have no time for himself before goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to do it again. He does my laundry and brings me things I need. He never complains. He just tells me how exhausted he is, and I can see it. I insist that he doesn't have to do anything for me. He insists that he does. Talk about sacrifice.

Sometimes having a good outlook on life is, in fact, about the grand scene...but a different kind than I have been longing to see again. It is when you look up from your to-do list and the worry about finding a way to make ends meet, seeing how your life has unfolded and counting the beautiful ways God has provided...even if it is difficult to find them. I never would have thought I would be in this place even two years ago when Allan proposed to me. In the past year, I became a wife to a wonderful, talented, loving, and strong husband, a step-mom to a sweet, smart and beautiful little girl, and a mother to two identical girls (still pending, of course). Allan and I made it to our goal I mentioned in my last post. We have seen each other every single day since June 14, 2008. They say that the first year is the hardest in marriage. I think this year was easier than our engagement! I have also heard people say that the best years they had together with their wife/husband was when they had almost nothing. I can see that. We struggle to pay our bills and our house is in shambles, but like our hearts, it is a house full of love. I think Allan's daughter is beginning to see that, too. It doesn't seem to bother her as much anymore that she doesn't have her own room or a space to call her own yet. She is perfectly content just being where we are. What a profound thought. If only everyone were content just by having each other...

My outlook right now is seeing the big gray wall, yet savoring the little patch of blue and the simple suggestion of the sun...even the mosquito that thankfully cannot get in. My outlook on life is seeing the bleakness of the hospital room, but choosing my long days here so I can hear the doctors say "She's getting better every day." I just have to hang in a little bit longer so that I can bask in the glow of Life with my new family at home.

The Near Future: Parenthood

Every day is the same, but different in little ways. Every morning, I wake up around 9 am after a long night of interrupted sleep. Monitoring, medicine, doctor visits, shift change with the nurses; I get about 5 solid hours of uninterrupted sleep. As someone said, I'm just a vessel for carrying these babies. Thinking about motherhood that way seems so sad. Maybe that's partly why mothers go through postpartum depression. They get this idea that all they are during pregnancy is an incubator, then once they give birth they feel empty. I don't know. I just don't want to be the kind of mother that doesn't care about herself anymore, the kind that is so self-sacrificing for her kids that she is an absolute mess. I don't think God intended for us to feel that way about ourselves. If a mother is so stressed out that she barely smiles, fights with her husband, cries herself to sleep at night from exhaustion, and fantasizes about finding a way out of the life she leads, that's not the kind of woman God wants her to be. I was raised to believe that a woman should be strong, faithful and courageous yet generous and submissive and kind. I don't want to be the kind of mother that becomes bitter because her life is sucked out of her because of her children. Of course, life is what you make of it, as I always say. I'm not saying we can control everything that happens in our lives, rather we can control our attitudes. All of the fruits of the spirit are choices that we make during the most difficult times in our lives. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self control. None of those comes naturally. As long as Allan and I can try hard to hold onto those while our children demand so much of our lives, our family will be happy. That's what I tell myself.

I have a lot of time to think sitting in my hospital room. It was difficult sitting here day after day after the doctors continue to tell me everything seems to be okay. It feels a little pointless to stay here when everything is okay. However, I remember when I first got here and a doctor told me, "In the vast majority of these cases, the results from the dopplers get worse rather than better." I guess in a way, I'm sitting here waiting for things to get inevitably worse.

A few days ago, I had a scare. During a normal session of monitoring, I turn Baby A's heartbeat volume down on the monitor and listen to Baby B's in case she wiggles off the monitor, which happens often. Except this time I was listening and the heart rate was getting slower and slower. I looked at the screen, and her heart rate was dropping dangerously low. She is normally in the 140s/150s, but it reached all the way down to 60 bpm, much lower than my own. A couple nurses came in and did what they called, "resuscitation of an unborn child". Basically, I had to turn from side to side until her cord was free (she was squishing it). In retrospect, it wasn't that big of a deal, but at the time, it was scary. For once I was thankful for being here. Other than that experience, the babies seem to be hanging in there. On Wednesday Baby A weighed 3 lbs 12 oz, Baby B 2 lbs 6 oz. They are growing, but unfortunately the difference between them is growing, too.

Right now all I can do is take everything day by day. It's all I can do to keep from cracking. A puzzle, a movie, coloring, reading...there are things to keep me occupied. It's not always exciting, but it's amazing what can keep you entertained when you have no obligations. I had a baby shower yesterday. It was so nice to see some of my family and laugh with them. It is always so hard to see people leave, though...not because I am dependent on visitors to keep me happy, but because I know that when they get sick of this place they have the liberty of simply walking out. Needless to say, I will be much more thankful for a lot of things when I am out of this room.

Today is our 1 year anniversary! We don't have many options, but we'll certainly make the best of it. Please keep praying for us all! Take care.

Melody

The Inevitable

Well, it's not the only inevitable. The babies will eventually come, and that's expected, of course. What I mean is I have now entered into the dreaded hospital stay they warned me about in April. Bed rest just wasn't enough, I guess. I went in on Thursday, June 4, to get a routine check of the babies' blood flow through their umbilical cords. The week before when they measured the growth, I thought it seemed odd that they weren't concerned that Baby B was even farther behind in her size. As a matter of fact, they didn't even say anything about it. This time they noticed that the Dopplers were off..."more abnormal" were the words. I did another NST at the office, and they sent me straight to the Indiana University Hospital in Indianapolis to monitor us more closely. I didn't even get a chance to go home first. I was thrown off. I should have expected it every time I went in to my appointments, but I just wasn't prepared.

The first day, I was put on the monitors for about 18 hours in labor and delivery ICU. The babies' heartbeats and my contractions were carefully watched. After a lot of adjusting to make Baby B stay on the monitor (she's small but mighty), everything seemed fine. I am now in a smaller room in the 2 South Unit, wherever that is. Every day my vitals are checked (temp, BP, oxygen levels), put on the monitor every 8 hours for half and hour, and given medicine to reduce my contractions every 6 hours. I thought it might get kind of annoying, but I kind of like the company of the nurses.

One nurse came in last night and we talked about how amazing it is that a woman's body changes and adjusts to much during pregnancy. She also had a lot of information about what they are looking for on the monitor, which is what no one had ever explained to me before. She said when I have a conraction, they want to see the heart rate spike and drop. It means the babies are able to tolereate the stress. A doctor at a different time explained to me that if Baby B couldn't handle the stress, they would definitely be delivered by C-section. I also learned that if the baby was in distress and their heart rate didn't drop, a bunch of people would rush into my room and do a "rescucitation of an unborn child." That means laying me on my left side and....I don't know what else. Anyway, the babies seem to be doing fine as far as the heart rates go. I haven't had a doppler check since before I came in, but they'll be doing them three times a week. I am doing ok. I've been having contractions, even when I'm on my medicine, but it's nothing to be concerned about.

As far as my stay here, I have a small room with a lovely view of the rocky rooftop, overshadowed by the enormous side wall of the cancer center. I haven't seen the sky, breathed fresh air, or felt the sunshine since Thursday...it's Sunday, and I don't anticipate going out today either. I CAN go outside, but I have to have someone wheel me out there. Any takers? So far I have had a few visitors every day. Allan has been here every day. He has an hour drive. Our goal is to make it to our anniversary next Sunday without skipping a day, meaning we have seen each other every day since our wedding. If he comes to see me every day until the 14th, he doesn't have to come so often after that. It's just kind of something "romantic" we wanted to do, since being at the hospital hardly allows for a romantic anniversary. I guess there are activities to do around here, like crafts classes and special groups for moms with multiples. I haven't seen the lady that comes around with all the info though. I'll have to hunt her down.

Well, that's it for now. We don't know when the babies will be born. It's a wait-and-see. It depends on how the babies are doing. I'll definitely keep you posted.

ps: For all my facebook friends, the site is blocked here. No facebook unless someone can pull some strings for me :)

Melody

What I'll Miss (and Won't Miss)

I can't believe how quickly my second trimester flew by. My belly is measuring at 9 months (39.5 weeks), and I'm almost 7.5 months pregnant. I still have about a month or more left to go. Wow! I thought bed rest would make time seem to move slowly. I guess I can't say that everything about bed rest has been awful, although it hasn't been a lot to smile about. It's been fun to watch the babies move around, to feel a tiny foot roll across by belly and along the bottom of my hand. It's fascinating to know when they're kicking each other and what kind of things they react to. They respond the most to milk, tornado sirens, Allan's voice and kisses, and my hands resting on my belly. They usually take turns kicking me, but when I haven't eaten in a while, they gang up.

I know that Baby B, the smaller one, is most active during ultrasounds. She's not as strong, but she's very wiggly. She hates it when something pushes on her, and she always fights back. She's always sitting on her sister's head, but Baby A doesn't fight back like Baby B does. I'll miss some things about being pregnant. I'll miss the mystery of what they look like, the excuse for gaining so much weight, how nice strangers suddenly become when they see that I'm pregnant, and I know that I'll miss being able to sleep, shower, and go to the bathroom whenever I want.

What I won't miss about pregnancy is feeling sick, sore, helpless and trapped inside my house, and feeling like I ran a marathon when all I did was walk up the stairs. I won't miss taking pills, making myself eat when I don't want to, not wearing my wedding ring, not being able to cuddle with my husband comfortably, heating up my lunch meat in the microwave, and I won't miss maternity clothes. I can't wait until I can wear pants with a button and a zipper, eat soft cheese, and go on a walk.

I know there are other things I will sacrifice once the babies come. At the same time, I've always felt that even when I'm stressed out and tired from being busy all the time, I feel a sense of accomplishment. It's hard to feel like I'm accomplishing something when I'm sitting on my butt all day and sleeping for 10-12 hours (I know, I know. I'm busy growing babies). Some of you know how I feel. None of you will be able to convince me that I will be more miserable taking care of my babies than I feel now. I can't wait to meet them and hold them and know what they look like. It will be so fun and so challenging at the same time. I just hope and pray that my next pregnancy is with only one child!

Melody

Updates and Venting

Ultrasound #....? I don't know. I lost track. Everything seems to be fine. Not great, but good enough. Dr. G said the Dopplers were different, but still nothing to be alarmed about. Baby B is now 2.5 weeks behind instead of 2.

B=1 lb 13 oz
A=2 lbs 11 ozs.

There is almost a pound difference. My thought is that if the doctor isn't alarmed, then I won't be either. I trust my doctors at Clarian. I don't have the same feelings about anybody I have encountered at Community, however. Allow me to vent in detail about my lovely day at the hospital today.
*******
I woke up this morning, still exhausted from my journey to Clarian in Indianapolis. I rolled out of bed to get my second non-stress test for the week at the Community hospital in town. Remember last time it took 2 hours because the babies kept moving. This time I had one nurse start out finding the babies' heartbeats. As she was looking, she asked me if the babies were in separate sacs. I said, "One placenta, two sacs." She replied with confidence, "Oh, so they're not identical." Pause. I said, "Actually when they share a placenta it means they are identical." It felt wrong to explain that to an R.N. working in labor and delivery.

Anyway, I was watching the monitor and it looked like she had both on there. Good start! For some reason, she came back and started messing with it again, saying, "I think I'm picking up the other one's heartbeat instead." I thought that seemed kind of odd, but whatever. She brought another nurse in to figure it out. Apparently, they were searching for a different heartbeat for almost half an hour until the first nurse finally said, "She only has one placenta. They might have similar heart rates." Well duh!!! I could have told them that! So since the babies had similar heart rates, the nurses thought they were picking up just one baby, when the entire time they had both on the monitor. I was there for much, much longer than I should have been for something really simple. I left feeling stressed out, which is not good for me or the babies.

Wait, there's more.

I also needed to get my glucose test today (measures your blood sugar levels) to test for the possibility of gestational diabetes. My doctor told me not to drink or eat anything sweet two hours before I went in. Just in case, I called the lab beforehand and asked them what is safe to eat and drink. I ate some toast and drank some water, as directed, then went in for my test. For those of you that know me, I cannot drink carbonated beverages; they upset my stomach. I asked the receptionist if she has a solution that wasn't carbonated. She said, "It's not very fizzy." A couple minutes later, she brought out an orange drink, very carbonated, and gave me these instructions: "Here. Drink this. You have five minutes, then we'll draw your blood in an hour." I drank the stuff, and put a piece of sugar free gum in my mouth. Uh oh. Apparently I wasn't supposed to do that but didn't know it.

During that hour, I wanted to cry. My head was still hurting, my back was killing me, I was hungry, tired, and I just wanted to go home and sleep. They finally called me back, took my blood, then the lady who took it informed me that since I had gum in my mouth my results might end up funny and that I might have to retake the test. I was FURIOUS. I told her, "Oh, that would have been nice to know BEFORE I took the test!" All she said was that the receptionist was supposed to have told me when she brought out my drink. That lady's reply? "Oops. Haha." I don't think I should be at fault if no one told me something as simple as that. I mean, really, do I have to Google everything because I can't get information out of these people?

This probably seems like no big deal to you, but for an extremely uncomfortable and hurting and hormonal pregnant lady with twins who is supposed to be on bed rest, it is a big deal. I think I might be switching over completely to my specialist ASAP.

I'm done complaining. I promise. I'll go sleep it off.

28 weeks

It's been a while. I have officially entered the third trimester. Even though I'm on bed rest, I dont find it easy to sit at the computer anymore. It's actually a lot more difficult to sit in an uncomfortable computer chair to write a blog. I'm borrowing a laptop for now, so I'll try and squeeze in as much as I can before I give it back.

The babies are doing ok. Baby B is still 2 weeks behind, but her growth is consistent. I'm still going in for ultrasounds every week. Last time I went into my regular checkup, the doctor said my belly is measuring at 37 weeks for a singleton pregnancy. I can't believe how huge my belly already feels, and I'm only 7 months along. They say that by this time the babies aren't moving as violently anymore because they are short on space. So far I haven't experienced that relief. These babies find a way to sucker punch whenever they can. It seems the bigger they get, the harder the kicks, space or no space. I went in to get my second non-stress test (monitors the babies' heart rate, my heart rate, and contractions). What usually takes about 20 minutes took 2 hours because they were moving around so much!

Last week I had my first non-stress test. Apparently, the movements I was feeling during the previous three weeks were contractions. I learned that quickly when the test was recording that I was having them irregularly. They say four in one hour is cause for concern. I had at least that many in 20 minutes. So I was put on a medicine called Brethine (Terbutaline Sulfate) to reduce contractions. It wears off two hours before I can take it again, but it works for the most part.

In general, I am very uncomfortable and tired and sore. Bed rest is becoming something I appreciate more and more. Trying to get out is not even appealing to me. Taking a shower is one of the most exhausting activities of the day. I don't know which is worse at this point: exhaustion from taking care of two babies, or exhaustion from being pregnant with them.

Allan is feeling the pressure of getting the house done for us. The clock is ticking. I could have these babies any day now, although for their sake I hope they hang in there for at least four more weeks. Allan is also ready for me to be done with pregnancy, He has been working so hard at work, on the house, and taking care of me. It will be nice for him when I can finally do things around the house. I know I won't have much time or energy while I'm taking care of the babies, but I'll be able to do more than I can now.

We picked out names! Too bad you can't find out until the babies are born. Sorry. Everyone knows so much about this pregnancy that we would like to keep something secret!


Melody

Sonograms

Twins @ 22 weeks

  A   B

 

Baby B @ 24 weeks

The Results

My apologies for not posting. I clicked "save" instead of "publish" Sorry! Some of you have been anxiously awaiting the news. Here is the story. Scroll down to the last paragraph if you don't want to hear details :)

The night before, Allan and I spent what could possibly be our last night at home together for a while. We got up in the morning, making sure I was prepared for at least a few days at the hospital. I said bye to the dogs, and we made the dreary walk out to the car. I ate a good ol' McDonald's breakfast during the forty-five minute rainy drive. I asked Allan, "Wouldn't it be awesome if the doctor said, 'Everything's great. You can go home.'"? A miracle wasn't out of the question for us, but we tried to prepare ourselves for the worst as a defense mechanism.

We made it to the hospital and met Allan's mom there. We went to the Starbucks on the first floor, and I ordered a decaf iced raspberry latte. mmmm....Anyway! We went into the exam room, the tech began the ultrasound. The babies were head-to-head (normally B has her butt in A's face), and they definitely put on a show for us! Baby B wouldn't let the tech measure the blood flow through the umbilical cord because she kept kicking it, and Baby A kept bumping the other one with her stomach like a sumo wrestler. Haha. After a few minutes, she finally was able to hold it for a few seconds so the tech could get a reading.

Dr. G, as he is lovingly called, entered the room shortly after. He is very laid back, but has a good sense of humor. I heard from my OB in Anderson that he is an excellent doctor. I am always glad to hear from him. He discussed the ultrasound results with the tech. Dr. G examined the screen, and said pensively, "Baby A's looks great....and Baby B's looks equally great." The tech and Dr. G just looked at us for a few seconds and the doc shrugged. He asked "What did you do this past week that made the difference?" We basically told them lots of bed rest and prayer. I wish you could have been there to see the slight grin on my Dr. G's face. It was the kind that needed to be professional, but at the same time wanted to rejoice with us. The tech told him that I am (was) the children's director at our church. She is a Christian, and I suspect he is too. I think she was trying to tell him that we are also believers, but I understood how doctors need to be careful about religion in the world of medicine. He said cheerfully, "Well, then keep doing the same thing, and we'll see you next week." He congratulated us on going home, made a joke about hospital food, and just like that, he was gone. Then we went home!

Allan and I spent a relaxing day together, at home, of course. I still have mixed feelings about being home. The house is a mess, and I can't do anything about it! haha. Any of you women ever experienced the nesting phase? Imagine having the motivation and forcing yourself to contain it. However, I am thankful to be home when Allan comes home and to know that the babies are doing okay.

Thank you to everyone who kept us in your thoughts and prayers this week. Please continue to, as they have shown a major improvement but are not out of the woods yet. Please pray that I keep my sanity :)

Melody

Please Pray for Our Girls

Right now, I can't think of anything worse than overcoming the irrational fear of losing a child, only to be told later that it might happen afterall. There really is no better way to say it or any benefit in beating around the bush. The simple fact is that Baby B might not make it. Our only hopes are that a) Baby B miraculously makes a comeback or b) they can hang on in there at least until the 28th week (5 more to go). Let me explain...

Ultrasound #7. Doctor #4.

Doctor 4 finally gave me some answers. I was by myself, and she had a lot to explain, so forgive me if I miss some details. She told me that she was deeply concerned about the growth of Baby B. Every time I go back to the specialist, the weight difference between the two babies keeps growing as Baby A advances and Baby B lags behind. Baby B grows...but not enough. The blood flow through her cord is restricted. It's called placental dysfunction or placental insufficiency, when the placenta isn't providing enough oxygen or nutrients to one of the babies. My understanding is that the placenta just isn't big enough for the two of them, and Baby A benefits more from it, leaving Baby B the leftovers. There's nothing they can do to improve the blood flow.

Doctor 4 explained to me that if she might pass away in the womb and too much time passed before anyone knew it, Baby A would be affected (they share the same network of blood vessels in the placenta) and possibly develop neurological defects. She gave me the option of "clamping Baby B's cord," but Allan and I refuse.

The plan: I am on modified bed rest until Tuesday, April 28th when I go into the specialist again. If they find she still isn't improving or gets worse, I'll be given steroids to stimulate lung development, hospitalized indefinitely, and monitored closely in case something happens where they can act quickly. Either way, our best bet is praying that Baby B hangs on long enough that they could both survive outside the womb.

I know my words are very sterile and scientific. Don't be fooled: I am a wreck. In a way, I try to comfort myself by thinking about all the women who have been told that their babies have a very slim chance of survival, and they end up making it and living happy lives. All I know is that God is bigger, and this Easter I was reminded of his miracles. I also know that whatever God's plan is, he chose us to endure it. To me, that is a major compliment. Still, none of this news is easy to come to terms with completely, and we ask you to please pray for our family. We can't imagine the rest of our lives without our twin baby girls.

21 weeks

Ultrasound #5. Up to this point, I've been slightly frustrated with my doctors' limited or total lack of information. I need a doctor who will tell me what is going on with the humans growing inside of me. Three weeks ago, my doctor told me that they need to monitor Baby B's growth and that bright white spot on her chest. I went in yesterday and since my doctor was on vacation, I was fortunate to see another one who was very honest and straight forward with me. He said he's not worried about the white spot. It's most likely a calcium deposit, as I mentioned before. The concern is that Baby B is still farther behind in her growth than she was three weeks ago. Baby A has gained 7 ounces, while Baby B has only gained 4. He isn't concerned about twin-to-twin transfusion (when one baby hogs all the nutrients), so that is very good news! This is something I would normally get worked up over, but the fact that everything else has been normal until now seems to keep me at peace. I'm going in next week for "dopplers". The internet--not my doctor--says a doppler ultrasound detects blood flow in the vessels. Are they checking for heart defects?

Well, in other pregnancy news, my belly is measuring at 6 months, even though I'm 5 months along. It is still rapidly growing. Every time I wake up in the morning I feel a little bit bigger. I've grown out of few maternity tops already. I have no idea how huge I'll be in a couple months. Oh boy! Hang on!

I Miss My Belly Button

This is my pregnant belly. It has grown twice the size within the past two weeks. This is the first time I am showing these photos off on the internet. I would normally feel vulnerable showing my belly, but as an artist I have no problem with showing off the beautiful part of pregnancy, because not all of it is lovely. Not only is it a pregnant belly...it's double pregnant and double happy. I love being able to eat, and I take full advantage of eating constantly without shame. If I wasn't sick in the beginning, it would have been much more challenging to bring myself to eat so much, especially after a year of watching my weight to look fabulous on my wedding day and honeymoon. But now my babies need lots of food! I realize that pregnancy is no time to have a negative body image. It is beautiful, a wonderful and miraculous gift of life that I feel privileged to have been chosen to carry. God entrusted me with two little 

baby girls, and the last thing I am worried about is the way I look. I guess it's easy to say when I'm not overweight or have stretch marks yet (I'm sure I'll post something in a couple months about how huge and ugly I feel). But one thing is for sure: I am losing my belly button! See how squinty it is?

As far as I know the girls are still kickin...and boy do they like to kick! Allan loves feeling the babies move. It's fun for me almost all the time. Other times it feels like they're wrestling around in there, and it gets a bit annoying. I tell them to settle down. Maybe they'll listen better in a couple years...

Two Girls!

Two girls, and clear as day (as my mom would say)! By the looks of the ultrasound, there's no question as to what their sex is. As far as we know they are both healthy. Baby B is a week behind in development, so we'll just keep going back to take a look at her growth. She also has a bright white spot below her diaphragm, which they told me nothing about. However, I read that it could most likely be a calcium deposit that disappears before birth. I'm praying that's all it is. We got a DVD of the ultrasound in 2D and 3D...not the kind where you wear 3D glasses, although that would be funny. I think technically it's called 4D. What's the fourth dimension? If we can figure out how to get a DVD clip posted on here, we'll post it. If we can figure out how to get pictures off of our camera, we'll post a picture of my belly too!

Allan felt one of the babies move one night. I didn't think it was possible to feel them that early, but they were squirming! It was a special moment indeed. He is really excited about the babies. He works on the house every chance he can get to prepare for their arrival, not to mention my inevitable hugeness that will keep me from running up and down the stairs of our apartment very easily.

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm getting weird cravings yet. I must say that I haven't had weird ones, but boy do I have cravings! Like pickles and milk. I never thought I would be a pregnant pickle eater. One day I made a special trip the store just to get them. I was so hungry that I ended up buying a bunch of other stuff. When I carried it all in, I dropped a bag. The only thing that broke was my jar of pickles. And I was sad. I bought another jar to prepare for my future pickle cravings. One time I gleefully reached into the refridgerator to grab the jar of pickles (I couldn't wait!). I poked my finger into the jar only to find that there was a three inch thick frozen layer on top. The thought crossed my mind to find something to chisel it. Luckily my conscience is loud, and I decided not to hurt myself for pickles.

I don't have much else to say about the babies or anything else really. This is as interesting as my life gets. Yes, pickles and milk.

Little Bit O' Everything

My sickness is much better. It is mild now, and eating is a full time job. I've gained six pounds since my last visit, averaging out to 1.5 pounds a week. I'm half way through my pregnancy, and I'm supposed to gain 45-50 pounds. This is the only time in my life that I've tried to gain weight and couldn't do it! Is that normal?

Conveniently my OBGYN is leaving in June, leaving me in the dust a month and a half before my due date. When she leaves, I'll see my maternal-fetal specialist regularly and she will most likely deliver the babies instead. That means we're taking the 45 minute drive to Carmel's Clarian North Hospital where they have a NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) in case there are complications with the little ones. Clarian North is affiliated with IU and Riley...I think. So that is one burden lifted for us. For a while we were debating between Anderson and Clarian, and now the decision is made for us.

For all of you that think my belly looks too small for 18 weeks, I am actually measuring at 20 weeks. Ha! The twins are still ok as far as we know. Ironically we have boy names picked out, but struggle to find girl names we like.

The next extensive ultrasound is on St. Patrick's Day! That's the day Allan proposed to me. They'll have a better idea of what sex they are. They're also going to pay attention to the growth rate of each one. The babies are in a risky situation since they share the same placenta. One could get greedy and hog all the nutrients. I'm not sure if there's anything we can do about that. Tell them to share?

OH! And I think I felt the babies move at my staff meeting. They must have had a comment. Or if they are anything like me, they were throwing a fit because they were hungry.

I don't really have any funny stories to leave with you. I am noticing that, although I was born to be forgetful, no one was kidding when they said you lose your marbles during pregnancy. One day I sprayed bathroom cleaner all over my brand new maternity shirt because I thought it was wrinkle releaser. Thankfully the only thing that was damaged was my pride.

Update at 15 weeks

Since my last blog, we had another ultrasound the very next day with the maternal-fetal specialist. No one really told us what we were there for. During the ultrasound the doctor came in. Together they determined, to the best of their observations, that our twins are identical. That means about 7-8 days after the egg was fertilized, it split in two. They determine the "zygosity" (fraternal 0r identical) by seeing how many placentas there are. I guess there's only one, but there is a chance two of them fused and just looks like one.

Anyway, we decided that we wanted to know the sex of the babies as soon as possible. It's a lot easier picking out two names than four. OR if we really wanted to be coordinated, we would have to come up with boy-boy, girl-girl, and boy-girl pairings of names if we wanted to wait until delivery. No way. It was hard enough naming our dog.

This doctor is really funny and down to earth. We told her Allan was crossing his fingers for at least one boy. They said the first baby looked like a girl. You should have seen the look she gave Allan when she looked closely at the second one. It was like "you ready for this?" Then she said, "Well, Dad, it looks like you might have two girls, but don't paint the walls pink yet." It's still early (13.5 weeks at the time). Needless to say, Allan is hoping he'll see a wee-wee or two in the next ultrasound.

Life in the meantime is kind of unpredictable for me. My health determines what I can get done each day. I'm paying close attention to staying hydrated and fed, which is blowing a big fat hole in our food budget. I have to eat every two hours or...well, you know. I'm generally feeling better these days minus a day or two per week when it gets so bad I can't leave the house. It's supposed to start getting better. Life for Allan is getting stressful as he is trying hard to pick up my slack from being sick and quitting one of my jobs. It's still rough financially, but God always provides...somehow.

We got a letter today from our health insurance verifying all of my information with them. I guess my records say that I have a rare disorder called "hyperemesis gravidarum." It's basically severe nausea and vomiting that leads to vitamin deficiency and dehydration. If you want to know more about it :

http://www.rarediseases.org/search/rdbdetail_abstract.html?disname=Hyperemesis%20Gravidarum%20

Speaking of our insurance, they enrolled me in a free program for expecting mothers. I can call the "Healthy Pregnancy Line" 24 hours/day to get advice about anything except medicine. Cool! So far I have learned much more from one phone call and a couple books than both of my doctors put together.

I have a bump! I'll post pictures when it's noticeable. Not many people notice it, but to me and Allan it's big! They say my babies are the size of apples. Allan and I wondered what kind of apples. Cameos or little granny smith apples? And why do they have to compare babies to food?

That's all I have for now! Until next time...

Melody

Searching for Baby B

Another appointment with the O.B today. Upon walking in, I prepared myself for the possibility of not hearing two heartbeats. As mentioned before, this fear was born from reading and hearing stories from people I do and do not know. As much as I tried to tell myself everything was fine and trust in God, it was always in the back of my mind.

Today when I went into my appointment, the nurse used the Doppler to find the heartbeats. She couldn't find them. I heard that sometimes babies react to the Doppler's sound waves, so you can hear them kicking at it. The nurse said she heard them moving, but they were wiggling so much that it was hard for her to find their heartbeats. Hmmm...yeah right. I could tell she was a little worried. I, too, was panicking inside and trying to be calm on the outside. The nurse left the room and said she would have the doctor try it. I was sitting in the room all by myself...waiting and wondering.

A few minutes later the ultrasound tech came in with an ultrasound machine (whatever it's called). At first the tech could only find Baby A. The doctor came in to help her, and they found the top of Baby B's head. We couldn't see its body to determine that it was moving. A few minutes of panic passed and --hallelujah!--they found little Baby B hiding behind its twin with a healthy heartbeat. Little rascal. Moments like these are only the beginning of my children freaking me out.

Fearing and Planning

Allan and I went to the O.B. on Monday. She checked the heartbeats...they're still kickin! It was so relieving to hear them again. Some of you may know that I have been fearful lately about one or both babies dying before birth or shortly after. I was fine before people started telling me frightening stories. Reading about why multiple pregnancies are high-risk scares me a little too, but at the same time it makes me more cautious about what I do to my body.

On the much brighter side...

the good news is that my job at the daycare has officially ended. Taking care of twenty 3-year-old children for eight hours, five days a week was too much for me to handle. I think we made the right decision, although I am sad to leave and our income will decrease. I am still working part time as the children's director at my church, and I will hopefully pick up as many substitute teaching jobs as I can before I am immobile this summer :)

Speaking of this summer, the deadline to make our house habitable is the end of May, which would be a full year since we started on it. We've been at a stand-still for a while, mainly due to lack of money and motivation. Luckily, as the size of my belly increases so does Allan's driving force. We have also had support from friends and family willing to roll up their sleeves again so we can move our family into a normal living space. A one-bedroom apartment won't cut it for Allan, Emma, the dogs, twins, and myself.

February 10th is the extensive ultrasound with the maternal-fetal specialist in Indy. I have no clue what to expect, but I'm guessing it will be a 3-D ultrasound. I think they'll be able to tell if they are identical or fraternal. I will be 13 weeks by then.

Please keep us in your prayers!

Food, Food, FOOD!!

I know I said in an earlier entry that I love food, but I have most definitely changed my mind. My whole life is consumed by food, in a negative way. I can't seem to keep a balance at all! They say "eat whatever your body craves." It doesn't always work.

I had a dream one night about fettucini alfredo. The next day I ate some, and well...you know what happened next. One day I begged Allan to get me Taco Bell. I kept it down for lunch, but not the soft taco later that day. They say to eat simple foods, so I try to eat granola bars, bananas, carrots, and Jell-O, but nothing goes down quite like a plain cheesburger from McDonald's. I love them!! So far, that's the only thing I've been able to eat repeatedly without getting sick.

I told my doctor that my medicines (Phenergan and Zofran) would wear out within a few hours after taking them. They also made me really drowsy. She gave me something stronger, Reglan, but it turns out that the side effects made me feel worse than I was before! Ironically, a person who takes Reglan regularly must be weened off of it to prevent withdrawal symptoms.

So back to the food thing...I don't like to eat anymore because I don't want to vomit anymore. On the flip side, I will get sick if I don't eat. It's a lose-lose situation. Sigh....

Melody

What We Don't Know

Until now I was never able to understand sonograms...like those silly magic eye posters. Never got anything from them but a headache. Look at them, though! There is no doubt that there are two of them. Two heartbeats, two heads. They have four arms and four legs (they are not conjoined, I checked). By the way it looked, they are in two seperate amniotic sacs, which I assume means they are fraternal. I'm not sure yet.

I am being referred to a maternal-fetal specialist since having multiples is a high-risk pregnancy. I haven't met with an actual doctor yet. All I know so far is that I will have more detailed ultrasounds, and I'll probably be poked and prodded and tested a little more than usual. It will all be worth it in the end!

I've been carrying these sonograms around with me everywhere. Sometimes on my lunch break, I will get them out and stare at them, as if there aren't a million more ultrasounds to come! Yet these will always be the most special, because they capture the first moments I ever laid eyes on them, acknowledged their existence as twins, and watched them move. I daydream about what they will look like and be like as they grow up. Sometimes I get a little afraid that one or both of them won't survive in my belly, which I think is a normal fear. I can't feel them or hear them or see them. I know nothing about them at this point. Boys, girls, one of each? Fraternal? Identical? I don't even know that much. To comfort me, I think about these verses:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb...
your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13 & 16)

There is nothing more comforting to me right now than to know that God has already decided His plans for their lives, and now He is carefully forming their little bodies. All I can do is try to stay healthy and prayerful (which is much easier said than done) and God will take care of the rest. I know this all sounds cheesy, but I think it's pretty good for being on nausea meds that make me drowsy and all out of sorts.

Stay Tuned...

Wait...I See Two Heads!

That's right! I said two. Allan and I had the first ultrasound at 9.5 weeks. The ultrasound tech found a little grape-sized baby, measured it, and checked its heartbeat. We listened to it and watched it move around a little. The tech moved the device to get a better shot. Then I saw it. The other one. Two at the same time. I thought "wait...I see two heads!" Not a split second went by before the tech said calmly with a hint of surprise, "Aaaaaand it looks like you're having twins."

Huh?

Allan had been telling everyone, "Wouldn't it be so cool if we had twins? I want twin boys." Of course, I laughed at him and told him he would have to get up with me in the middle of the night. Ha...ha...ha.

I immediately looked at Allan, and he had the same face as the first time I told him we were pregnant...wide eyed, eyebrows raised, and a slight grin. As if the pregnancy in the first place wasn't shocking enough! We watched the two babies interact, each with a flickering little heartbeat. They were swimming around with their spastic legs and arms, then they would reach out to each other. What a precious sight. I could have watched it all day. I still look at the sonograms in awe of God's handiwork.

To tell you the truth, Allan and I were not ready for this pregnancy. But when God has a plan, He gets his way. The fact that we have twins is reassuring that God really wants us to have children right now. Now we are absolutely thrilled!! We are so ready for this new adventure. We have no idea what our lives will be like from now on, but that's exactly why it is an adventure.

Sick of Being Sick

I started becoming suspicious of being pregnant when, at the daycare, a group of elementary girls ran up to me, patted my belly, and said, "Miss Melody has a baby in her belly!" As you can imagine, I laughed it off...but inside I was frozen with fear. I know how kids have a weird sixth sense about those things. A couple weeks passed. I knew before I even took the test that something was different. I knew for sure when Allan and I went to visit our friend, Dottie, at the hospital who just had her baby that day. As Allan was holding the little bundle, he looked up at me and winked. I immediately went to Walmart to buy a pregnancy test. I took it the next day, and sure enough! The infamous plus sign appeared.

I tried to figure out how to tell Allan. I paced around the room, half panicked and half way in denial. Allan told me he would be right back, so I quickly placed the positive test in our little four-foot Christmas tree. When he came back I told him I had an early Christmas present. When he finally found it, he stared at it and asked, "what's it mean?" When I told him it was positive, he raised his eyebrows...I broke down into tears.

The next morning the sickness began. I was nauseated the first week, then woke up a few days later with the stomach flu that I brought home from school. Afterwards, my morning sickness became much worse. I couldn't even sip water without losing it. Going to work took a toll on me. Everything I smelled triggered that lovely sensation in the pit of my stomach. At home all I could do was lie in the recliner with a puke bucket, Gatorade and saltines. It was a challenge just to walk to the bathroom.

Finally, I convinced Allan that it wasn't psychological (I don't understand men sometimes). We went to the ER where they hydrated me through an IV and gave me some medicine to help me keep down food and fluids. The medicine didn't really work that well for a while. It only decreased the amount of times I was in the bathroom hugging the toilet.

I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden in the past few days, I've been feeling much better! I still have to take medicine, but I can eat now. AND I LOVE TO EAT! So far my cravings have been broccoli and cheese soup and hot fudge sundaes. mmmmm...I could use one right about now. Thanks to everyone who has been taking care of me and understanding my crippling sickness. Allan has been such a wonderful husband. He's been making special trips to get me things I think I can eat, only to flush it all down the toilet. Hopefully, I am reaching the end of my nausea.

I did a lot of research about morning sickness. They aren't sure what causes it exactly, but they know it can be much worse with twins :)